So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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