Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
