Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
