I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
