Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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