Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
