I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
