i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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