The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
