"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
