I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
