i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
