i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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