I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
