Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
MIDGETS
????
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
