i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
