You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
