thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize