so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
