you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
