So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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