Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
