no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
