Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is wine microwaveable?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
