My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
