That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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