okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize