Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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