well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
