why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize