No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
