That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize