im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
