It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
