you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
