i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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