i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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