You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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