I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
