I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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