I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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