I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
