I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
