i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
