We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
