you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
