Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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