I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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