She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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