Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
