I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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