Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
