Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
