God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Randomize
