I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize