I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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