im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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