Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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