New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
