she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
