This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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