the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
