This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
