I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize