My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
