FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was like eating out sand paper
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
