just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize