when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize